So it’s official – here is it is.
A mid-life crisis. Or something of the sort. Definitely a crisis!
Where shall I start?
There is the disappointment that I seem to be average! Psychologytoday.com says it is typical for the average 30 year old woman to, “as their career focus narrows, to seek meaningful and challenging work. For smart, goal-driven women, a mid-life crisis isn’t about recovering lost youth. It’s about discovering the application of their greatness. The problem is that no one has defined what “greatness” looks like so the quest has no specific destination.”
So here, as I stare my mid-thirties in the face, I thought it was only me. But no, seems like I am just average. Seems I can’t even claim this crisis to be my greatness! But then, where are all these other average women? Everyone around me seems like they have it all together; all figured out and well on their way. In fact, most seem pretty great already! Who else feels like me? Agonizing about where I am in my career, if I am in the right place, at the right time. If I have done enough, worked hard enough, saved enough… if I should not have achieved more by now? What if I don’t even want to be in the corporate world? Is this the time to take risks? To pack up with hubby and the dogs and move to Italy to start our little restaurant? But it seems even rich and famous suffer the same fate! Look at Justin Timberlake – singers want to act, actors want to sing! Bad example, he’s a man! Wait, what? This isn’t even a woman thing?! How about JLo – she was an actor before she became a popstar. Jeepers – now to find greatness (and a body) like that!
But never mind about actually really having the time or the luxury to focus on finding what my greatness might be – because what about retirement? Come to think about it, it seems that corporate job is here to stay. Nevermind greatness! And we definitely need additional income, which of course necessitates me having to come up with the most brilliant invention the world has ever seen. Yip, there are those sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling wondering what it might be. Could it be chocolates that don’t make you fat?! YES, I would buy that. Truckloads of it. Or miracle weight loss pills! Let’s be honest, I’ve tried a few… I have yet to find the miracle. I wonder if a non-famous person could become famous for not being famous… then I could also have an emoji app! Maybe anti-wrinkle creams that really turn back the clock 10 years. (Yep… tried those too.)
Which I clearly need! Because a night of little sleep, in which you lay contemplating how you can turn your yet-to-be-discovered greatness into a million dollar money making scheme, can evidently take its toll. Because on some of those mornings you get up, get dressed, put on your make-up and look at yourself in the mirror – and then it happens – rarely, but it does – it happens that you think “hey, I actually goooood today”… only to be greeted with a concerned colleague asking you as you set foot in the office “shame, are you ok? You look so tired today?” Never mind that being a crises, that is a disaster!
So where to from here? I’ve never been a person that enjoys a pity party so there is no time to feel sorry for myself! I’m normally the one with the positive word and the encouraging talk for anyone else that needs some advice. So what do I have to say to this face looking back at me in the mirror? The one with the slightly bemused look on her face, a few wrinkles around the eyes (I need to start smiling less!) and a few grey hairs growing out?
I look up from the computer at our home that I love… and I see hubby lying on the couch while my one dachshund boy is trying to look all cute so that he can be allowed to jump up as well. The other one has snuggled himself under his blankie in their basket – he is 14 years old already! I see our holiday photos on the wall and my favourite poetry and recipe books in the bookshelf. Some I’ve had since I was 16! Our family and friends are healthy and safe. And as soon as I am done writing here, hubby and I will prepare one of my favourite meals… plus it is just about time for a glass of wine!
All of that is pretty great…
So yes, face-in-the-mirror… you might not have it all figured out today. You might not know exactly what yet undiscovered greatness lies inside you, where the road you are on is leading or what tomorrow might bring. But you have the things that make life great around you every day right now and that is already a great place to be… Just let your journey continue.