Have you heard about Frexit?

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This is my French dream – a little house in the country with a small restaurant attached.  This was a lockkeeper’s house on the Canal du Midi.

Every now and again I get struck by a bout of melancholy.  Not a down-in-the-dumps doom and gloom kind of downheartedness, but more a feeling that everything is not quite in its place… as if I have lost something… or have not seen a loved one for a while.  The self-diagnosis took some time… but in the end it became clear to me.  Occasionally I suffer from an ailment I call Frexit, which is the feeling I get when I have been outside of France for a while.

As with any diagnosis it is immediately important to understand the root cause of the disease and in my case, Frexit is a withdrawal-symptom based sickness, brought upon by a yearning for a few major things:

No red lips:  This seems to be a staple of the chic French woman.  Minimal make-up, but gorgeous red lips.  Whenever I am in France I always take out my brightest red lip colour and always imagine that I blend in like a local!  Who does not want to look like a French woman!

No sidewalk cafes:  I love the café culture in France.  What is better than sitting down, side by side, sipping a café latte in the morning while watching French life go by?  Wait, I know… Sitting down, side by side, sipping a drink at the end of the day and watching French life go by!

Not French fresh produce markets:   The pride and confidence with which stall owners display and sell their products is inspirational.  It makes you want to head home and cook something amazing immediately.  And two of my favourite things – bread and cheese.  The sheer variety!

Not enough long lunches:  Food is something to be celebrated; in France it is a key part of life and not something to just be had in a rush.  It is a time to sit down and catch up with family and friends and should not be had without acknowledging the momentousness of the occasion!  It’s the way life should be!

No French in my ear:  I can’t speak French apart from a few essential words, but oh, what a beautiful language.  The flair with which even the simplest baguette is served – “Voila!” – will make you believe that you are having a 5 star meal! (And I must admit, the way a handsome French man pronounced my name once, left me weak in the knees!  Of course hubby says it best, though!)

Lack of French wine:  My favourite red wine will always be a Bordeaux, which is a blend of Cabernet Sauvignon, Cabernet Franc, Merlot, Petit Verdot and Malbec.  Last year we came across a white Bordeaux (which was sauvignon blanc based) for the first time.  But a newly found favourite on that trip was the beautiful blush pink rose’s of the Languedoc Roussillon.

And just like Brexit, it is important to realise that Freixt can also cause unprecedented economic turmoil and uncertainty as all I want to do is book tickets on the next plane to France. So before things go so far, as with all ailments, prevention is better than cure…

To make sure that I remain healthy  this weekend I will make sure that I put my red lips on.  It’s going to be a cold one here in Cape Town, so I am going to scour the shops for beautiful red Bordeaux (not the easiest thing to find here) and the long lunch is going to be nonnegotiable!  I might even take out that special table cloth I bought in Provence but have been too scared to use!

Here is to banning Frexit – at least for the weekend – and santé to joie de vivre!

Do you suffer from Frexit?  I would love to know why and what you do to get over it!  Please leave a comment and let me know!

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A beautiful square in Roussillon, Provence

It’s a crisis…

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Where is it all going? The stairs down from the top of the Arc de Triomphe!

So it’s official – here is it is.

A mid-life crisis.  Or something of the sort.  Definitely a crisis!

Where shall I start?

There is the disappointment that I seem to be average!  Psychologytoday.com says it is typical for the average 30 year old woman to, “as their career focus narrows, to seek meaningful and challenging work.  For smart, goal-driven women, a mid-life crisis isn’t about recovering lost youth. It’s about discovering the application of their greatness. The problem is that no one has defined what “greatness” looks like so the quest has no specific destination.”

So here, as I stare my mid-thirties in the face, I thought it was only me.  But no, seems like I am just average.  Seems I can’t even claim this crisis to be my greatness!  But then, where are all these other average women?  Everyone around me seems like they have it all together; all figured out and well on their way.  In fact, most seem pretty great already!  Who else feels like me?  Agonizing about where I am in my career, if I am in the right place, at the right time.  If I have done enough, worked hard enough,  saved enough… if I should not have achieved more by now?  What if I don’t even want to be in the corporate world?  Is this the time to take risks?  To pack up with hubby and the dogs and move to Italy to start our little restaurant?  But it seems even rich and famous suffer the same fate!  Look at Justin Timberlake – singers want to act, actors want to sing!  Bad example, he’s a man!  Wait, what?  This isn’t even a woman thing?!  How about JLo – she was an actor before she became a popstar.  Jeepers – now to find greatness (and a body) like that!

But never mind about actually really having the time or the luxury to focus on finding what my greatness might be – because what about retirement?  Come to think about it, it seems that corporate job is here to stay.  Nevermind greatness!  And we definitely need additional income, which of course necessitates me having to come up with the most brilliant invention the world has ever seen.  Yip, there are those sleepless nights, staring at the ceiling wondering what it might be.  Could it be chocolates that don’t make you fat?!  YES, I would buy that.  Truckloads of it.  Or miracle weight loss pills! Let’s be honest, I’ve tried a few… I have yet to find the miracle.  I wonder if a non-famous person could become famous for not being famous… then I could also have an emoji app!  Maybe anti-wrinkle creams that really turn back the clock 10 years.  (Yep… tried those too.)

Which I clearly need!  Because a night of little sleep, in which you lay contemplating how you can turn your yet-to-be-discovered greatness into a million dollar money making scheme, can evidently take its toll.  Because on some of those mornings you get up, get dressed, put on your make-up and look at yourself in the mirror – and then it happens – rarely, but it does – it happens that you think “hey, I actually goooood today”… only to be greeted with a concerned colleague asking you as you set foot in the office “shame, are you ok?  You look so tired today?”  Never mind that being a crises, that is a disaster!

So where to from here?  I’ve never been a person that enjoys a pity party so there is no time to feel sorry for myself!  I’m normally the one with the positive word and the encouraging talk for anyone else that needs some advice.  So what do I have to say to this face looking back at me in the mirror? The one with the slightly bemused look on her face, a few wrinkles around the eyes (I need to start smiling less!) and a few grey hairs growing out?

I look up from the computer at our home that I love… and I see hubby lying on the couch while my one dachshund boy is trying to look all cute so that he can be allowed to jump up as well.  The other one has snuggled himself under his blankie in their basket – he is 14 years old already! I see our holiday photos on the wall and my favourite poetry and recipe books in the bookshelf.  Some I’ve had since I was 16!  Our family and friends are healthy and safe.  And  as soon as I am done writing here, hubby and I will prepare one of my favourite meals… plus it is just about time for a glass of wine!

All of that is pretty great…

So yes, face-in-the-mirror… you might not have it all figured out today.  You might not know exactly what yet undiscovered greatness lies inside you, where the road you are on is leading or what tomorrow might bring. But you have the things that make life great around you every day right now and that is already a great place to be… Just let your journey continue.

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The journey continues.  Sunset – taken close to Trebes on the Canal du Midi.

 

 

 

Things I have learnt

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I love history because we can learn from it.  This is the Musee du Louvre, in Paris.

While school and university are great platforms for learning, to my mind, Life proves to be the best teacher by far.  While the former imparts theory, Life shows you… well, life.  How the everyday works.  And it is not the kind of stuff you can get from a text book.  It’s the hard-hitting realities and truths that you can only learn by experiencing it.

So far in my life I had to learn some hard lessons.  It is not always easy to deal with the disappointment, but I am better for it.

A few of the things I have learned so far:

Family members are not as interested in seeing your holiday photos as what you are.  I have taken a multitude of pictures “to show my mom and dad; because they will really enjoy this!”.  For some reason, after picture number 453, their enthusiasm is not what it was when the slideshow first came on.

After I’ve put nail polish on my nails, I will need to go to the bathroom.  It doesn’t help to go just before.  Nope, I’ve tried that.  Inexplicably my bladder is linked to fresh nail polish that needs to dry.

After living with terrible, faded and outgrown hair for weeks, the day I go to the hairdresser to finally get my hair done, it will look the best that it ever has.

The first time I try a new recipe will always be amazing.  However, past performance is not a guarantee of future success and as a result, the second time is normally a disaster.  Let’s just say the panna cotta I practiced for Christmas pudding was an amazing test, but more a “puddle of cotta” on the day it was meant to be a star.

If you try some pants on in the store and it fits just a tad too tight, chances are very good it will never fit.  Don’t believe yourself when you say “Well, I am on a diet… so it is just a matter of days before it fits…” No, it will not happen.

If you spot something really expensive that you like and buy it, within a few weeks you will find it on sale for a third of the price.  However, if you decide to wait for a sale, that specific thing you were looking for won’t be there anymore.

The neater the handbag, the more difficult to find things inside it.

Not that I have had much experience with grey hair (!!) but for every one grey hair that you try and pull out, you will pull out at least 5 perfectly good hairs instead.  And when you finally manage to get hold of the grey you will end up breaking it off, instead of eradicating it completely.  Those things stick like the roots of a thousand year old tree.

Yes, learning can be tough business.

But what is the most profound thing that I have learnt so far in my schooling with Life?  “Be miserable.  Or motivate yourself.  What ever has be done done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer.

It is something that I continue to learn every day.  Just like school, you have to practice at Life.  The best part about it though is that you will only fail once you stop trying.  So happy learning!  I know my education continues.

And a little bit of humour goes a long way!